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Submitted on
September 20, 2012
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First page of the second chapter! Sorry for long hiatus, I had to take part-time job and had no time because of it... I'll try to update more often from now.

I have no beta-reader this time. so please, help me with grammar! There probably awfully lot of mistakes >_< If you find any, I'll try fix them immediately.

Don't forget about hidden content.

How to read this story: [link]
First page: [link]
Previous page: [link]
Next page: [link]
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:iconrelwarcthemighty:
Hope Ulyana wakes up in her own body!
Does Felix really have no one else to turn to but someone who hates him? And I thought bullying girls was pathetic enough.
Oh, Pedot, so chivalrous trying to stand up for Vesta! Ha, ha, . . . God I hope he gets naked at some point . . .
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:icontenko72:
I like the reflections on the glass.
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:iconautumn-sacura:
Autumn-Sacura Sep 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you!
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:icontenko72:
You're welcome!
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:iconbettypimm:
BettyPimm Sep 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
great page! a word bubble in the third panel is facing the wrong way, though
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:iconautumn-sacura:
Autumn-Sacura Sep 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you ^__^ Fixed it!
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:iconevelyn-stormcraft:
evelyn-stormcraft Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Panel 3: Nothing technically wrong with it, but a more common way of phrasing it would be: "To her you're like a member of the family." English is confusing like that. (And as others have said, Phedot's speech balloon needs to be fixed.)

Panel 6: "Should I send him away?" 'Sent' is past tense.

Panel 7: "after all the things that you and Quint did to us." I think "have done to us" might be more appropriate here; 'did' suggests the subject is entirely in the past, while 'have done' tells the reader that it's a current event with a history. (I would also recommend moving Vesta's thought balloon to the center of the panel, to show the thought comes after what she says...unless of course it's not meant to come after.)
_

Something I've been curious about: why is the real-world part of Murts set in Richmond? Is there a specific reason?
_

Finally, I wanted to share this with you: [link] . It's another Flash-based comic, and I thought you might like to study the techniques they used.
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:iconautumn-sacura:
Autumn-Sacura Sep 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for help ^__^ Those are very useful advices!
About Richmond... hehe, ok, I'll tell you! I wanted to make country where story take a place uncertain. And Richmond is a very common name. Several cities in the United States, Canada and Europe are called so.
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:iconrosesablaze:
Are we allowed to ask for help with finding hidden content? I can't find anything in panel 3. :c
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:iconraccoo:
If you want to cheat on hidden content, if you left-click anywhere on the comic page, hitting tab multiple times will toggle through them. I do it that way to make sure I don't miss anything.
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