hmm let me try...

Panel 1: Higu, do you remember our recent talk? (conversation would probably work better than talk)

P2: but you should understand, after the chan-lang.....

p3: an inexcusable crime. murder, rape.

Do I look like a scoundrel?

p4: then how about scariledge?

hahaha the last frame is very funny ^_^ well done! your art is always enjoyable

--
"Somebody's got to be unafraid to lead the freak parade, to lead the freak, to lead the freak, to lead the freak parade!"
"Yaaaaay!"
"Happiness and fun for everyone!"

~Big & Rich

Thanks!

--
Clubs I'm in:
~Naruto-boys-club, ~fireemblem-fc, *WarriorThief, !khyaoi, ~BHK-lovers-club, ~eneddo, ~HarmijiClub, ~Beyblade-Lovers, ~AnAngelkiss, ~KH-shoujo-ai, *color-me-club, ~HaynerxRoxas

It's great so far!

A quick error I came across though.

In the sentence, "Than how about a sacrilege?" you should have used the word "then" in place of "than." The word "than" should be used in sentences like: "I'll take the sword rather THAN the lance."

Other than that I didn't see any other errors that no one else brought up already.

Again, good work and I can't wait until the next page. ^.^

Yuzo looks so good in the third panel!

--
Don't Do it Seamus!

Some small mistakes.

Yuzo: Higu, do you remember our recent conversation?

Higu: But you should understand, after the Chan-Lang Incident all the other Immortals will try and stop you.

Higu: You can lose your immortality by committing an inexcusable crime, like murder or rape.

Yuzo: Shuddap Hee-goo! Do I look like a scoundrel?!

Higu: How about sacrilege?

That' all I found.

--
少年ジャンプの海賊だ！

Damn, I forgot about difference between "then" and "than" ^__^ Thanks!

--
Clubs I'm in:
~Naruto-boys-club, ~fireemblem-fc, *WarriorThief, !khyaoi, ~BHK-lovers-club, ~eneddo, ~HarmijiClub, ~Beyblade-Lovers, ~AnAngelkiss, ~KH-shoujo-ai, *color-me-club, ~HaynerxRoxas

Things are starting to get interesting! My translation:

----------

Panel 1:
Yuzo - "Higu, you remember what we've been talking about?"
Higu - "About your planned escape int othe world of mortals, master?"

Panel 2:
Higu - "You do realize after the Chan-Lang incident, the other Immortals will try to stop you?"
Yuzo - "I know. So did you find a way to make me mortal again?"

Panel 3:
Higu - "You can lose immortality committing an inexcusable crime--murder, rape..."
Yuzo - "SHUT UP, He-Goo! Do I look like a sadist?!" ['Scoundrel' loses its impact in English.]

Panel 4:
"Then how about a sacrilege? Destroy the temple, or..."

Panel 5:
Yuzo - This part is fine.
Higu - "Somehow I knew he'd choose that." [NOTE: This would be more appropriate as a thought balloon.]

Panel 6:
This part is fine.

----------

I'll see if I can manage page 7 tonight; it's getting late and I have school tomorrow.

--
Accepting requests for lineart. Check out my scrapbook for a sample. (I do trades!)

Thanks. I like how how you make it more fitting English-speaking people ^__^

--
Clubs I'm in:
~Naruto-boys-club, ~fireemblem-fc, *WarriorThief, !khyaoi, ~BHK-lovers-club, ~eneddo, ~HarmijiClub, ~Beyblade-Lovers, ~AnAngelkiss, ~KH-shoujo-ai, *color-me-club, ~HaynerxRoxas